I love Cutwater canned cocktails—and I am an admitted cocktail snob. I am very particular about my Martinis (one ounce dry vermouth, two ounces gin, three olives). I regularly make riffs on pretentious cocktails like Hanky Pankys and Negronis. I have an entire tiny shelf devoted to bitters. So, trust me, an annoying cocktail enthusiast, when I say that Cutwater cocktails are good. But are all the Cutwater flavors good?

Cutwater has come a long way from a small distillery in San Diego, CA, to a pioneer of canned cocktails, which are now available across the country. Per the Cutwater website, they make 26 different canned cocktails. Well, we were able to find 19. I think that’s pretty good, and certainly enough to taste in one sitting (it was a good day). Don’t worry, we’ll come back and update this piece with the other Cutwater flavors, as well as any new Cutwater drinks as they come out. For now, though, here are all 19 Cutwater canned cocktails, ranked from cut rate to a cut above the rest. 

Cutwater Cocktails!

While this canned Vodka Soda smells like fresh watermelon, it tastes a bit like cleaning fluid. The hard seltzer and canned vodka soda field is crowded enough already. I just think Cutwater is better off using their skills elsewhere.

Credit: Merc / Total Wine

Rating:

4/10

Sporks

Cutwater Cocktails!

This was my least favorite of the Cutwater Margarita flavors. That said, you might like it if you don’t want your canned cocktails to taste like alcohol. Personally, I like knowing there’s booze in there. But this one tastes like a melted strawberry popsicle. There’s no lime flavor and there’s no tequila flavor.

Credit: Merc / Target

Rating:

4.5/10

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Cutwater Cocktails!

There’s slightly more tequila flavor in this canned Margarita, but really, it tastes more like an agua fresca than a cocktail. It needs acidity and it needs the taste of booze!

Credit: Merc / Drizly

Rating:

5/10

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Cutwater Cocktails!

So, I know I just said that I like my cocktails to taste like booze, well, this one certainly checks that box. It has a lot of vodka flavor (please don’t tell me vodka doesn’t taste like anything; we all know you aren’t going to confuse a swig of Stoli with a swig of Evian). But the lime flavor is negligible. So it really just tastes like a nearly plain Vodka Soda. If that’s your drink of choice, enjoy. But it ain’t mine.

Credit: Merc / Drizly

Rating:

5/10

Sporks

Cutwater Cocktails!

Ranch Water is basically blanco tequila, lime juice, and sparkling water (usually Topo Chico). This canned Ranch Water adds watermelon to the mix. I’ll give it props: It actually tastes like fresh watermelon. But it’s lacking the lime flavor that Ranch Water calls for.

Credit: Merc / BevMo!

Rating:

5.5/10

Sporks

Cutwater Cocktails!

The classic lime within the lineup of Cutwater Margarita flavors is indeed very limey. But, once again, there’s just not enough tequila flavor. Margaritas should taste like tequila!

Credit: Merc / Target

Rating:

6/10

Sporks

Cutwater Cocktails!

Major points for Cutwater canning a Long Island Iced Tea. What a fun move. I’m a big LIIT proponent. I think, when made right, it can be a stupendous drink. If you’re looking for the ideal LIIT, just head back in time to 2006 and drop by 5 Olde Nugget Alley in Hanover, NH. Get Tom, the co-owner, to make you a LIIT—it’s free if it’s your birthday. That’s a real Long Island. Cutwater’s version tastes like Nestea, which is close to how a good LIIT should taste, but it could use a bit more lemon.

Credit: Merc / Drizly

Rating:

7/10

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Cutwater Cocktails!

Cutwater makes one of the best ginger beers for making cocktails, so I had high hopes for this canned Vodka Mule. It is very, very gingery—that’s good. If you like your Mules spicy, this is one of the best Cutwater flavors for you. But there is just a hint of a medicinal flavor to it that puts me off. 

Credit: Merc / Target

Rating:

7/10

Sporks

Cutwater Cocktails!

This canned Vodka Soda smells like a sour grapefruit candy—like the wedges from Haribo Fruit Salad. The flavor is much less pronounced, as it should be since this is a seltzer. But there are just better grapefruit flavored hard seltzers out there—like the second place pick from our best hard seltzer list.

Credit: Merc / Drizly

Rating:

7/10

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Cutwater Cocktails!

This is the best of the bunch when it comes to Cutwater Margarita flavors. In fact, it even made it into our best canned cocktails round up. It has a nice pineapple smell and a roasted pineapple flavor. It is a good cocktail, but it still lacks the citrus and tequila flavors of an actual Margarita.

Credit: Merc / Drizly

Rating:

7.5/10

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Cutwater Cocktails!

Cutwater makes a good Bloody Mary mix and a great canned Bloody Mary (spoiler alert: You’ll see the mild can higher up on this list). And this canned Bloody is no exception. It’s seriously spicy, though, so it has a more limited audience. It’s just not gulpable—but it’s still very good.

Credit: Merc / Drizly

Rating:

8/10

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Cutwater Cocktails!

I am seriously impressed by this Cutwater flavor. The mint is much better than I thought it would be and it doesn’t taste like toothpaste. Quite a feat. It tastes like a mint-heavy Mojito. It’s good but it could use a squeeze of lime.

Credit: Merc / Drizly

Rating:

8/10

Sporks

Cutwater Cocktails!

This is my new day drink. It’s my hanging-out-in-Austin-with-cool-influencers-drink. That never happens but that’s what it feels like should be happening when you drink this canned classic Ranch Water. It tastes like a good, homemade Ranch Water with a healthy slug of tequila, a squeeze of lime, and a refreshing pour of seltzer. Out of the soda water-based Cutwater flavors, this is by far the best one.

Credit: Merc / Drizly

Rating:

8.5/10

Sporks

Cutwater Cocktails!

This tastes like the rum punch you get on a boat when you’re going out for a sunset “cruise” in Key West. It’s a can of vacation. It’s not for everyday drinking, but you definitely should drink it sometimes—preferably on a boat or when you wish you were on a boat.

Credit: Merc / Drizly

Rating:

8.5/10

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Cutwater Cocktails!

You may not think you need a canned White Russian but you do. This is one of the best, most unexpected Cutwater flavors. It’s super creamy and not too crazy sweet—not like melted ice cream. This is as good a White Russian as I’ve ever had, perfectly balanced between creamy, sweet, and boozy.

Credit: Merc / Drizly

Rating:

9/10

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Cutwater Cocktails!

If you like Hendricks gin, you will love this Cutwater canned cocktail flavor. It’s so cucumbery on the nose and it tastes like a really nice soda—with gin. Personally, it’s one of my favorite Cutwater flavors. If I could find it more regularly, I’d keep my fridge stocked with it at all times. But it’s not for everyone. “They took the cucumber overboard,” Sporked managing editor Gwynedd Stuart said. “If they said this was a Cucumber Gin & Tonic, I’d be like, okay.” So, fine. It’s a Cucumber Gin & Tonic. And it’s great.

Credit: Merc / Drizly

Rating:

9.5/10

Sporks

Cutwater Cocktails!

We all much preferred the Whiskey Mule to the Vodka Mule. You get the same spicy ginger beer along with a heavy dose of whiskey flavor—think: Johnny Walker Black Label. If you like Whiskey Ginger, you will absolutely love this. ”It’s really sophisticated tasting,” Gwynedd said. Pinkies up, everyone.

Credit: Merc / Drizly

Rating:

9.5/10

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Cutwater Cocktails!

I love this Bloody. It’s like Mr & Mrs T’s (the best Bloody Mary mix) but already spiked and ready for drinking. It’s zesty and tangy and the perfect canned drink to take on a camping or fishing trip. Unlike other canned cocktails, it just makes sense to have a Bloody Mary in a can. And this is the best canned Bloody Mary.

Credit: Merc / Drizly

Rating:

10/10

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Cutwater Cocktails!

“It’s practically perfect in every way,” said Gwynedd. It is, for sure, the most guzzleable of the Cutwater canned cocktails. It’s like a really good grapefruit soda with a touch of tequila—which is what a Paloma is, so, good job, Cutwater, for understanding the assignment. If you poured this into a highball glass with ice and garnished it with a strip of grapefruit zest, you could easily convince someone you knew what you were doing behind a bar. It’s the best Cutwater cocktail, so stock up.

Credit: Merc / Drizly

Rating:

10/10

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